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20+ tips for how to get better at networking even if you are shy

September 15, 2023 - 15 min read
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    It’s no surprise that our professional networks shrunk during the pandemic — sometimes by as much as 16%. Maintaining our connections online was too difficult.

    It’s difficult to replace a firm handshake and a smile, but this transition might be intimidating if you’re no longer used to in-person networking. After spending so much time working remotely, you might feel nervous about shaking hands, making eye contact, and wearing dress pants (instead of those comfy PJs). 

    Plus, building relationships is a lot of work. If you’re at all an introvert, you might not want to put yourself out there for the sake of network connections.

    But this could be a great next step on your career path. Thankfully, we can rebuild our professional connections and develop essential networking skills. These skills can lead to surprising new opportunities, whether it’s a referral for a new job or a meeting with your next business partner.

    Maybe it’s not quite like riding a bike, but learning how to get better at networking, even if you’re shy, is totally possible. Here’s our refresher course on how to network in person.

    12 tips to get better at networking

    You’ve suited up, put on your game face, and you’re about to attend a networking event. The obvious question now is, “What does successful networking look like?” Here are some networking tips to get the most out of your experience.

    1. Set a goal for yourself

    Is there someone specific you want to meet? Are you hoping to learn about a particular company? Or do you need help with your job search?

    Setting a goal for yourself will help you attend the event with confidence and focus. And afterward, when you get home, you can measure success based on whether you achieved what you set out to.

    2. Know your worth

    Humility is a noble trait, but don’t sell yourself short. Make sure you can clearly articulate your skills and what you can bring to a team, professional relationship, or prospective client. Try to work them into a clear and concise elevator pitch. This will show people why they should stay in touch with you.

    3. Plan your conversational icebreakers

    Whether you’re meeting someone one-on-one or attending a large event, talking to strangers is intimidating. In a professional setting, it’s important to consider personal boundaries when it comes to topics of conversation. To avoid feeling awkward, think about what you want to say beforehand. 

    You can start by introducing yourself and shaking their hand or offering a sanitary elbow bump. Then, you can:

    • Start with a compliment. Saying something nice (and genuine) can start the conversation positively. Keep it professional, though — you never want to make someone uncomfortable.
    • Ask them questions about themselves. Why are they here? How did they get into the industry? What do they think of a recent trend in the business? Asking good questions can prompt interesting follow-up discussions to keep the conversation going.
    • Be a fan. If they’re a big player in your field, mention something specific about their work that you appreciate. Perhaps they wrote a book you enjoyed, gave a great presentation, or accomplished something notable in your field. It’s okay to gush a little and ask questions about their accomplishments — everyone likes to feel flattered.

    4. Bring business cards (yes, really)

    In the age of social media, business cards feel particularly old-school. But they remain one of the most efficient ways to exchange contact information with recruiters, hiring managers, and other valuable connections. 

    Yes, you could manually type in their email and number on your smartphone. But this is a clunky experience that wastes your time and theirs. Business cards tell people how to find you and are quick to exchange. You can even include a QR code on your LinkedIn profile.

    5. Stay positive

    A networking event isn’t a place to air out your grievances. If you have a problem with any past or current colleagues, keep it to yourself. If you routinely talk behind people’s backs, what’s stopping you from badmouthing your new connection? This is an easy way to sour a professional relationship before it starts.

    Group-of-people-in-a-meeting-using-whiteboard-how-to-network

    6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

    There’s no shame in asking for assistance — that’s why you’re there, after all. Professionals at business networking events expect to talk shop and lend a hand when needed. So, if you’re struggling with a certain part of your job, don’t be afraid to ask for career advice

    Mention your career goals and ask the other person for thoughts on how to achieve them. You never know where the conversation could lead you.

    7. Give as much as you get

    You should also be open to lending a hand if you can. If you’re a seasoned professional, you have valuable experience to share with newer people in your industry. 

    Even if you’re a student or an early-career professional, you can lean on your technical abilities and knowledge of recent trends. Your schooling might have taught you about trends or tools that are new to the industry that seasoned professionals are eager to hear about. Everyone benefits from sharing information they’ve recently learned.

    8. Follow up with your new contacts

    It’s one thing to meet; it’s another to keep the relationship going. Make sure to add your new connections on LinkedIn or exchange phone numbers. Then you can shoot them a message a couple of times a year when you think it’s appropriate. 

    Try sending an article you think would interest them, inviting them to a professional event, or passing along a friendly note during the holidays. A little goes a long way when it comes to maintaining your connections.

    9. Be confident, but not arrogant

    Networking in business and other industries requires confidence without appearing cocky. Here are some things to remember when interacting with others:

    • Practice sincerity. Engage with the person you’re speaking to. They’re taking time out of their day to chat with you, so it’s important to be respectful and show interest.
    • Own your strengths. You’re good at a lot of things. It’s okay to mention them if it makes sense in the conversation — just make sure you’re not bragging too much. Stick to humble self-promotion.
    • Accept your limits. Humility will endear you to whoever you’re speaking with. Talking about your areas for improvement could lead to interesting learning opportunities down the road.

    10. Show appreciation and gratitude

    After connecting with someone, take a moment to send a thank-you note or message. Express your appreciation for their time and insights. Gratitude goes a long way in building and maintaining relationships.

    11. Diversify your network

    Don't limit your networking efforts to people who are just like you. Seek diversity in your connections. Engage with individuals from different backgrounds, industries, and perspectives. A diverse network can offer fresh insights and unique opportunities.

    12. Be patient and persistent

    Building a strong professional network takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if you don't see immediate results. Be patient and persistent in your networking endeavors. Consistent efforts over time can lead to valuable connections and opportunities.

    How to get better at networking if you’re shy

    Networking can be challenging for shy individuals, but with some practice and strategies, you can still effectively network. Here are practical tips for networking when you're shy:

    1. Set realistic goals

    Begin with small, achievable goals for each networking event. For example, aim to introduce yourself to three new people or engage in one meaningful conversation.

    2. Prepare elevator pitches:

    Develop concise and rehearsed introductions about yourself and your professional interests. Having a prepared script can boost your confidence in starting conversations.

    3. Research attendees

    Before an event, research the attendees or speakers online. Knowing a bit about them can make it easier to start conversations and find common ground.

    4. Arrive early

    Arriving early at networking events can help you ease into the environment. You can start with smaller, less intimidating groups and gradually work your way up to larger conversations.

    5. Leverage online networking:

    Consider online networking platforms like LinkedIn, where you can connect and interact with professionals at your own pace. Online interactions can help you build confidence for in-person networking.

    6. Attend small events

    Smaller, more intimate gatherings can be less overwhelming for shy individuals. Look for niche events or workshops where you can have meaningful interactions with fewer people.

    7. Bring a wingperson

    If possible, attend events with a friend or colleague who can introduce you to others and provide support during conversations.

    Two-males-skaing-hands-in-office-how-to-network

    8. Use business cards

    Handing out business cards can be a great icebreaker. It's a tangible way to exchange contact information without the pressure of extended conversation.

    9. Practice active listening

    Both shy and extroverted individuals benefit from actively listening during conversations. Shy individuals often excel at this because they tend to be more observant. Ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in what others are saying.

    10. Follow up afterward

    After meeting someone, send a follow-up message expressing your pleasure at meeting them and referencing something from your conversation. This helps maintain connections.

    10. Practice, practice, practice

    Networking is a skill that improves with practice. Challenge yourself to attend more events and engage in conversations regularly, even outside of professional settings.

    11. Focus on quality over quantity

    Instead of trying to network with as many people as possible, concentrate on building deeper connections with a few individuals who share your interests and goals.

    12. Attend workshops or training

    Consider attending workshops or coaching sessions on networking and communication skills. These can provide valuable insights and techniques for overcoming shyness.

    Remember that networking is a gradual process, and it's okay to take small steps to build your confidence over time. Don't be too hard on yourself, and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

    Woman-leading-meeting-with-coworkers-how-to-network

    Where can you network offline?

    Your best bet for offline networking is to attend a designated networking event. These are planned gatherings for professionals to meet, chat, and connect.

    These events can take many forms, but here are a few of the common ones:

    1. Industry conferences and trade shows

    Organizations and industry associations organize large conferences for groups of people working in a particular field. These events often feature workshops, seminars, and even free food. Larger events of this type will attract people from around the world, though some are limited to national, state, or local regions. 

    Conferences are a great place to meet people in your line of work from whom you can learn a thing or two. If you’re not looking to splurge, find a conference in your area or see if your workplace offers stipends or other opportunities for attending conferences.

    2. Happy hour meet-ups

    You’re a busy person. You don’t have enough time to chat with your colleagues, let alone have coffee with someone outside of your company. 

    That’s why many companies, departments, or professional associations will set up a day to clock out early and head to a bar or restaurant. In this casual environment, you can connect and get to know other professionals on a personal level. This will ultimately strengthen your professional relationship.

    3. Career fairs

    Many colleges and universities organize events to help student job seekers connect with employers. Companies are there to meet prospective talent, so this is a good chance for you to hand them your resume and make a good first impression before applying online. You’re more likely to land an interview if they’ve already met you and know you’re passionate.

    4. Breakfast or lunch meetings

    Everyone has to eat, so why not use food as a networking opportunity? Try reaching out to a colleague and meet them for a meal before work or during your lunch break.

    Sometimes, event organizers may book a hall, organize catering, and invite industry professionals to come together and have a meal. They may also invite a keynote speaker or run a workshop during the event, giving you a good conversation starter while you eat.

    Knowing how to network with people isn’t a natural skill — but having a nice lunch together helps ease some of the tension.

    Networking isn’t all work

    Professional meet-ups can be intimidating. But they can also be an inspiring experience. You might reconnect with people you haven’t seen in ages or discover a new friend who can support you in your career.

    You don’t have to dread re-learning how to network. In fact, it’s a chance for you to have fun and meet people with shared interests. Go with an open mind, and you’ll leave with valuable knowledge, connections, and a renewed sense of confidence.

    Invest in your career

    Get your promotion. Make your career change. Build the future you dream about. And do it faster with a world-class BetterUp Coach by your side.

    Invest in your career

    Get your promotion. Make your career change. Build the future you dream about. And do it faster with a world-class BetterUp Coach by your side.

    Published September 15, 2023

    Maggie Wooll, MBA

    Maggie Wooll is a researcher, author, and speaker focused on the evolving future of work. Formerly the lead researcher at the Deloitte Center for the Edge, she holds a Bachelor of Science in Education from Princeton University and an MBA from the University of Virginia Darden School of Business. Maggie is passionate about creating better work and greater opportunities for all.

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