You’re chatting with your manager about an important client deadline. The two of you are deep in conversation and about to hit the sweet spot brainstorming a new strategy.
A coworker interrupts and asks if they can have a moment of your time to solve a quick problem. They launch into their question before you can answer, and you lose your great idea.
“Why couldn’t they wait until I was available?” you think. You value patience and self-control. But your coworker just has another way of working.
Every day, you make judgments based on your values. They inform your behaviors and understanding of right and wrong. They help shape how you think, act, and feel. And ultimately, your values help you find happiness and purpose in life. What you do with your career, personal life, and relationships relies on your values.
Many Americans' most important values are having a happy relationship, living an honest and respectable life, and practicing safety. But yours might differ, and that’s more than okay.
Understanding your own values is a fundamental part of self-awareness and getting to know yourself as a human being. With a better understanding of your values, you can develop more empathy. You might show better emotional regulation. And you might improve your communication skills.
But identifying your values is difficult. It requires deep self-reflection and self-honesty — both of which take hard work. When you’re hustling and bustling daily, taking the time to do this comes at a premium.
Let's dive into some personal values examples to help you reflect on what matters to you.
Personal values 101
Before exploring examples, it’s important to establish some core principles of this process. Knowing how values work will help you in your personal development.
What are personal core values?
Personal values are a set of beliefs that differentiate between “good” and “bad” in your community, culture, or society. They form a mindset that defines what you view as the ideal standards of behavior, like patience and honesty.
You probably already have some guiding principles that inform your decision-making, leadership style, and overall disposition in your personal life or the workplace. It’s up to you to identify what those are and verbalize them.
What’s a personal values system?
Your personal values system is the cumulation of all of your personal values. Together, they shape how you interact with the world around you.
Transparency, self-discipline, and trustworthiness may be some core values that make up your personal values system. When faced with difficult conversations or challenging projects, these are the values you lean into. And you may expect the same set of values from your coworkers and friends.
How are personal values formed?
You likely picked up your values from how and where you were raised. As a child, you observe and absorb the behaviors of people around you, such as:
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Your parents or primary caregiver
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Siblings and other close family members
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Your teachers and other authority figures
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Your friends
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Your community
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Religion or spirituality
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Cultural expectations
All of these influence how personal values form. As you mature into your whole self, you decide which values you’d like to keep and which ones you’d like to leave behind to build a more fulfilling life.
Why are core personal values important?
Common core values are essential to social cohesion but can also cause conflict or discrimination. One Association for Consumer Research study found that people of culturally diverse backgrounds may be identified by their values with 65% accuracy, meaning that it’s easy to assume what culture they’re from based on their values.
These differences in values might be strong enough to cause conflict if you can’t respect or see the merit in other people’s ways of thinking. That’s why it’s important to communicate your needs and set boundaries so others understand where you’re coming from (and vice versa).
Are personal values permanent?
Although your core values may be fairly stable, it might surprise you to know that your values change and evolve. Personal values are constantly changing as you learn and grow. This is why you should understand your own personal values system and check in with yourself regularly.
Sometimes you hold values that seem right, but you haven’t actually tested them yet. A structured corporate job might make you think you value order and predictability. But after a career change into a more casual work environment, you might realize that values like flexibility, creativity, and boldness of character matter to you far more.
Through self-reflection and self-examination, you might find certain values are holding you back or hurting your relationships. Values around money and status that once seemed compelling may stop being helpful if your career feels like a never-ending race with financial gain as the only goal.
Once you define those values, you can consider whether they still matter to you. You may need to change or reframe them so they’re more helpful and less harmful in your life. Or, if they still hold true, you can change your habits to honor them.
20 core value examples
Here’s a list of core values to inspire you. Try to look for them within yourself:
- Altruism
- Dependability
- Integrity
- Generosity
- Courage
- Gratitude
- Well-being
- Sustainability
- Family
- Self-respect
- Adaptability
- Uniqueness
- Assertiveness
- Support
- Open-mindedness
- Personal growth
- Flexibility
- Frugality
- Improvement
- Self-reliance
You can see how these might define your behavior or affect life decisions. If you value humility, you’ll be less likely to be flashy about your skills, no matter how talented you actually are.
And if frugality is important to you, you’ll spend money with more intention than someone with different values. None of these traits is worse than another: everyone is different, and that’s the beauty of individuality.
6 tips for defining your own core values
Here’s how you can start identifying values in your own life. Open a document or pull out a notebook and try the following exercises to find what matters to you.
1. Think of the most meaningful moments in your life
What made those important moments meaningful to you? Who did you share them with? You can define “meaningful” however you like, but it usually encompasses moments where you were at peace and filled with purpose.
Parents experience this during their child’s birth, first steps, and first words. You might experience it at work when you’re using your skills to do something important that brings the company value. Or you might feel this way with an old colleague when you’re helping them through a rough career path and know your advice resonates.
As you list your meaningful moments, a theme should emerge. Connect the dots to reveal your core values.
2. Think of the moments you felt the least satisfied
This is similar to the first exercise. But this time, try to imagine the opposite. What were some of your worst life experiences? Why do they weigh so heavily on you? How were other people behaving toward you?
You might feel unfulfilled at work if the organization’s mission statement doesn’t match your sense of purpose. It’s the same story when spotting red flags in a relationship.
Mismatched values might leave you feeling unsatisfied, and they don’t necessarily have to be “bad values” like dishonesty or vanity. You'll feel stifled if your boss prefers routine but you enjoy innovation.
3. Pay attention to what stories inspire you
When you read the news or browse your library, see if any articles or books catch your attention. Look for people whose behavior you admire or respect. Consider why their stories speak to you and what that says about your sense of self.
4. Figure out what makes you angry
You can learn a lot about your values by paying attention to what irritates you. Maybe a colleague rubs you the wrong way, a coworker upset you, or you found a task frustrating. Your feelings might be rooted in a contradiction of your values. If communication matters to you, a lack of it will make you angry.
5. Imagine your ideal environment
Think about your workplace. If you could reshape the company culture, what would it look like? Think of the employee benefits you’d provide (or not), how coworkers would treat each other, and how people might spend their time. Chances are, your choices will reflect the values you want to see in all areas of your life.
6. Review the accomplishments you’re most proud of
You’ve done a lot of things in your life. Think of the ones that fill you with pride. What did you do? What was the impact? Why those accomplishments and not others?
You might see some overlap with your most meaningful moments here. Was an important promotion one of the best days of your life? Is that more important than a great day with your friends? What does that tell you?
Living by your values
It’s good to understand your values, but they mean nothing without action. Here are some tips that will help you live with more authenticity.
1. Create a list of priority values
Not all values are equal, and some might even conflict with each other. You’ll have to think of which ones are most important to you.
Make a list of your top values. If you’re stuck between two, imagine a situation where you could only satisfy one of them. Think about which one you would choose and why.
Here’s an example you might find in your professional life.
Imagine a coworker is proud of a presentation they worked on for weeks, but it lacks clarity, organization, and key points. Your top two values are honesty and kindness.
Do you give your colleague some unsolicited constructive feedback and risk bruising their ego? Or do you keep it to yourself, sacrificing your honesty? Sometimes, being honest is being kind in itself, but the situation gets murky when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
2. Use your values to set goals
Your values should inform your 5-year plan and vision statement. Consider the following question: what do you have to change to better live by your values? This question can help you with short and long-term goal setting.
If you value cooperation, you might look for a job that focuses on teamwork. If you value learning, you can enroll in night classes to earn additional qualifications.
3. Allow for exceptions
Values are your ideal vision for the world, but sometimes they conflict with reality. To mitigate this, think of circumstances where it’s acceptable to compromise. You can value loyalty to your job unless your boss oversteps your work-life balance. You don’t have to be rigid if that causes negative consequences.
4. Strengthen your values with good habits
It’s easy to lose track of your values when you’re busy with daily life. Here are some habits that can help you when you don’t have much free time:
These small day-to-day tasks will help you live a life that adheres to your values. And if you accidentally stray, analyze the situation after. Ask yourself what you could have done differently and why you made the decision you did.
5. Practice Inner Work®️
Inner Work®️ is about exploring and connecting your internal self to the world around you. This means making the changes necessary to live your values every day.
It can also mean recognizing when some values don’t serve you anymore. After some self-reflection, you might find that your attitudes do more harm than good. Inner Work®️ recognizes that and helps you find the courage and motivation to make the daily changes that will help you live with more clarity, purpose, and passion.
Moving forward
Now you’ll know why it irks you so much next time someone interrupts you or tells a white lie. People with mismatching values are at best frustrating, and at worst emotional vampires. The same is true for other aspects of your life.
Reviewing common personal value examples can help you get in touch with yourself and align with like-minded people.
When you live by your values, you’ll notice that things will feel easier. It’ll improve your emotional health by helping you feel more at peace. Plus, you’ll unlock your potential, knowing you’re living in a way that’s authentic to you.
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